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Excerpt from MY ALIBI (from the Who Done It? anthology)

Yes, I killed Herman Q. Mildew.

  • I ran over him with my car after we’d left a sales conference where he’d informed potential buyers that I couldn’t turn a phrase if it had power steering.

  • I dropped a safe on his puny head when he refused to pay me for a manuscript I delivered one day late-- my daughter’s birth being no excuse.

  • I strangled him in his office where he belittled me in front of Lemony Snicket, making me fetch coffee so they could insult my “writing” behind my back (but not out of earshot).

  • I poisoned his glass of Chateau Mouton-Rothschild when it came time to pay the bill at New York’s most expensive restaurant and he claimed that he’d forgotten his wallet.

  • I pushed him down 102 flights of stairs after he refused to hold the last elevator for me at the top of the Empire State Building, saying “Maybe a bit more suffering would improve my verse.”

  • I suffocated him with my birthday cake after he tweeted to my fans that I was now too old and out of touch to write YA because I didn’t own an iPhone or know why birds were angry.

  • I stabbed him with my pen after he failed to point out that my contract gave him final say on my novels--and yes, instead of black cowboys from the inner city, could I make my heroes white girl scouts from Poughkeepsie?